Dear Mom
I thought about you today, that was nothing new. I thought about you yesterday and the day before that too, i think about you always your in ever breath i take, when i breath in the sunshine its like a kiss on my check. I ran almost 2 miles yesterday not knowing that i did, thought it was a mile. then at the end of my run I thought I heard you say "good job kristi" that made me sprint to the end of the con create passed the goal i made. I was in so much shock hearing your voice again that i almost broke down crying in that moment. looking up knowing that i was in public i held it in, because its been 8 months sense you have departed this life. that's not allowed anymore...im suppose to move on..
you have always believed in me, knowing that you are rooting for me on the other side gives me strength past what i think i have. its kinda nice to have you with me always.. not just a phone call away. but literally touching my soul.. i feel your warmth around me when i think about you when i want you near.. i know that you are here.. i found your tape recorder the other day. it reminded me that it was time for you to go into the next life to start your work there. That you are happy healthy and just you.. no more pain.. other then watching us, I'm sure it hurts you to see us this sad. but i know you just want to say.. it will be okay..
I wake up having nightmares not knowing what was in them, just feeling scared and somtimes hopless and completley exhusted from my emotional battle with myself. And of course every time im angry sad happy it all leads right back to you. Your thought of more now that your gone im sure that makes you happy. I have so many questions for you that are un answered.. Thank you for leaving me so many voicemails that remind me of your beautiful spirt. i have two favorites the one where you called me very early in the morning just to tell me it was Snowing!! it made me feel like i was your little girl again wanting to run outside and feel the snowflakes in my hair. you always let us play in the snow no matter what time it was. the pure excitment of snow made it feel like it was christmas morning except better because my mother loved it just as much as i did. you never really cared for hoildays because in your own way, i could tell you thought every day should be fun and exciting just like holidays. my 2end favorite voicemail.. when you called me when i was in texas to tell me how proud you where of me. How great you thought it was that me and candice have such a strong frienship. i love you mom i miss you .. i hoping by making somthing so personal so public it can help some one... that was your life mission mom ,to make everyone feel important, loved. i really hope i can make you proud. i hope i can belieave in myself as much as you believed in me and make a diffrence in the world. i want my children to feel the way you always made me feel, because knowing your loved that much makes you feel invinsable.. I Pumise ill never forget you.
